(July 4, 2019)
I take my Hot Dogs
Seriously – I take them
diced ‘tears’* and pickles sides
with a mustard bath on bread!
*(Diced -brunoise-cut – sweet onions one side and either same-size diced dill pickle, or sweet pickle relish or if feeling a touch heretical a little of each opposite. And, yes, in a sad lack, a german or french mustard will just have to do, but not so much as with a good ol’e plain ballpark yellow. After all, The American Hotdog has many denominations and in those devout churches reside many several pews – some even say sauerkraut; others extol “sport” peppers, and, yes, I have been known to scatter a few celery seeds by way of Chicago propitiation. As to bread, I allow spit-top and side-split into my vestry; but I prefer a plain white pillow of sandwich-capable much-hooted-at commercial no-count, no-nutrient bread so as to slather the whole landscape with a wonderful yellow primer coat. But my greatest sin is to take lightly salted potato chips – I think Wise an excellent choice – and instead of ‘dog in one hand and chip in the other – what happens to beer or ice-cold tooth-chipping soda then? – or just slide a few rounds between and betwixt each “side.” Sometimes I just crush atop the mustard after a quick roll of just-blistered dog to get it all yellow and fine, and then do the chip’s ahoy theme which those dratted never-sufficiently-enough elves stole from my all-time hot dog receipt. Joey Chestnut I defy you to do 75 of these lovely creatures: first boiled to a plumpness – steamed really – and then tossed in a hot, oiled pan to achieve the perfect blister and brown to just before black. Now, that, sir or madam, is a communion worth celebrating on more than just one day a year – or even one day a week.)