“Does This Help…Or, Frighten?” Tanka 2357

(just give up…control

and we make life easier

says the commercial

we will remember for you

just tell us (please) all you are*

*(A pitch for a new security service, I think, that will do for you what you do not do for you. Birthdays? Gottem in the bag – yours, theirs, gottem all; we will do all the stuff you forget and we never will fail not to forget. We will take care of all those trying, trivial items you are too busy, too bored, to whateveritis to do for yourself. Thass right, just lift that right – oh, that’s right your left-handed! – left leg and lean a bit forward. We had a new servo arm installed right back over by the – Europeans call them water closets – tank with the proper abount of tissue already pre-selected based on what you want, what you like and how many trees remain in the forest.

When Comfort, Convenience and Correctness collide: we have just the thing for you. We know how you like it: how your best blankie fits and where you like it all done up: folded left to right with it loose on top and snug-to-near-tight at the toes. Just tell us once and we’ll do it all. We have Your Number.)

“Wildman @ ‘The Mic!’ Again!”

(June 14, 2019)

How much of Steven*

A. Smith carefully crafted

ill-tempered loudmouth?

*(Stephen Anthony – A.- Smith, an ESPN institution who sees race anytime someone walks by and who spews invective with a shotgun approach sometimes is entertaining and sometimes is just, well, boring. What I want to know – yeah? really? Okay: you got me: but still I wanna know – how much is real and how much is schitck? Honest. I wanna know. Now, what I don’t want to know is how much fecal matter-on-a-stick that Berman guy had to ingest to get off which his clownish “nicknames” and such before he graduated to The Bigs and soon found out The Clown was Him. Now, I’ve lived through many coigners and clowners – Dickie V and that guy who grew finally boring on tennis so muchso that even John McEnroe became palatable “Bud” Collins, who invented the term for a shot between the legs right at the feet – stolen from soccer no doubt – “nutmeg.” Gimme a break! But he did have some fine Dennis Ralston stories – almost as good as my old coach Emma Spencer, a Sanford lady who taught tennis at UCLA. But Back to S. Anthony Smith. When he’s right no one’s better; when he’s off on his rocking horse no one is more whiny. Even Dick Vitale didn’t grate as much. Comeone, S.A., give a poor guy a break. Some of your rants almost make me return to Mike & Mike.

Oh, yeah: the deliberate misspelling of Stephen in the haiku to “Steven” was not intended as a slur or even a deliberate misspelling…I was considering “Stevie” but that did not fit his self-promoting promoting by everyone else affiliated with ESPN>)

“Just Don’t Look”

(June 14, 2019)

an haiku for you:*

never look sideways – because

there’s no side airbags!

*(Fretful bicyclist skipping the stop and look parts (probably listen as well) as they bound past the railroad tracks with the blaring sound of “Big Ol’e Thang Coming ‘Round The Corner RightAtChew! The cyclist’s earbuds probably let in the train’s toot, but who knows if Bat Outta Hell was playin’?)