“A Salt-N-Peppa Weapon?”


(June 11, 2019)

if a thrown spoon hit

your eye – an assault weapon

what about pepper*

*(Florida facing another constitutional amendment question trying to fill up our ballot – this keeps up we could challenge the 700-or-so ‘mendments drowning Louisiana’s writ. I keep getting exercised over idiots Terminologizing, and anyway: IT’S NOT THE ASSAULT WEAPON! IT’S THE WEILDER! Pardon the shouting. I know a nice fork some might consider an assault weapon in bad hands. Ask my older brother Glenn. He plunged it in my thigh at lunch one fine Summer’s day when I informed him my bike was off-limits to poachers as I was taking it to the Navy base in Sanford, to go swimming. I picked the fork outta my leg, licked it, finished my tunafish salad sandwich, potato salad and cole slaw – Glenn still had a third sammich coming as Mom beamed at her devouring herd and witnessed not the assault and Storm was well done and out of collateral’s way by then. I got the two-foot angle iron and clobbered Glenn as he came out to but the kaybosh on my glee at thwarting his oh-so-proper call of “eldest rules.” Fun times. What we did with – and to – each other pretty much immunized us all from outside bullies. Luckily, this time, no assault pepper was used in the production of this tale.)

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