“Twin Whats?”


(March 23, 2019)

innuend*o sale

by beer-n-taco upscales

still, no dancing poles

“(Clever but still beyond the pale Twin Peaks radio spot doubles “brews, tacoos(misspelling intentional) and scenic views in a wink-wink, nudge-nudge just-us-guys havin’ fun under-the-radar that began when Hooters began pointing America’s adolescent forty-year-olds to beers and barfood delivered by deep declivity damsels. When Hooters began here in Central Florida, I was committing Sports Editory and d had to go to Lakeland to take pictures and write copy on the state high school boys’ basketball championships…therein I witnessed a kid from a small school division toss in a swisher-basket from just two steps past the other team’s endline…90 feet at least. But I wasn’t writing that game. Later I covered my game and took photos and went back to that team’s hotel. The coach was just leaving: “Going to Hooters. You comin/”” he asked. Hell, what’s a hooters? I didn’t ask. Talked to the kids who would play in the title game two nights next…I guess the trip was a booster-club paid reward. I went back to my place in Titusville: filed my copy, had my film set up to soup and print and found beer in the breakroom fridge and found a comfortable place to crash. Years later I saw a Hooters tee shirt…with the owl logo featuring two pinpoints where no owl I know wears breasts. Now, I get it. Hooters. Haw-haw! How clever. I have enough trouble telling my bartender or waitress: “Honey, you’re making it hard for me to maintain eye-contact as I scan both menus, hers and theirs. I am a confirmed no-prude, but the blatant “Twin Views” almost a takeoff on Twin Peaks motif makes me wonder what passes for clever these days. Okay: end of sermon. There will be no collection. Go back to slobbering.)

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