“Say ‘Howdy’ And ‘Thanks,’ Marco”

Yeah. Out of Haiku (and such) format. But this I am sad to say screams for a wider audience than just Commentary, Outrages. That is my sermon: there will be no collection. I need to sanitize my next water with some Bushmills.

Commentary, Outrages, Prose

(October 1, 2018)

By J Kirk Richards

Senator Marco Rubio (r-Fla.) should walk right up to “Handy” Andy Gillum (The Last Mayor Tallahassee ever will want) and kiss him right full on the lips – tongue optional – and whisper in his ear, “Thanks, Handy Andy.  If not for you scores of Be-Jesus Scared Republicans, Libertarians, Independents and perhaps more than just a few disgusted Democrats, I’d never have the chance to put forth a winning case in two more years that I should be considered fully rehabilitated to run either for more Senate Navy Bean Soup in our exclusive restaurant on Capitol Hill, or perhaps a nicer set of digs just down the street.”

“Next time you get the chance, Handy Andy, will you kindly get our good pal Governor Jerry Moonbeam to suggest that Florida copy California in passing – so he could sign and then you could…

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“Songs Of Southside And Pinecrest*”

October 1, 2018)

old schools with old rules

big back yards in which to hide

penmanship a pain

 

(Southside and Pinecrest were two of the three elementary schools in which I was incarcerated in Sanford, Florida, upon my release under inauspicious clouds from a similar -but oh-so-decidedly-delightfully different – house of detented-learning in Argentia, Newfoundland, Canada.  No suspense: I really did prefer Westside Elementary where I hid from December to June of my Second Grade – with but a two-week return to Southside as Sanford’s ever-changing school borders expanded and shrunk and expanded again.  Thank Deity for public libraries. Though, at Pinecrest I did learn a library existed there as well and either for punishment or praise – both methods worked – I got sent there to avoid my usual antics in class giving others cause for hope. I can not now recall whether it was Mrs. Ratliff or Miss Lundquist who so banished me and a few other miscreants to “read a book and write a two page report for tomorrow: you guys already know this stuff and I don’t need J jumping all around…”)

“It’s A Craps* Shoot!”

(October 2, 2018)

we get rain today

tee-vee lottery knows not

the deal in chances

 

*(Contrary to some seemingly popular belief it is cot a ‘crap-shoot.’ Craps is a game using two die – or dice – and though the old-timers would just laugh and fling on against a handy wall when I asked the etiology of the word “Craps,” I surmised it must have had something to do with fickle chance and its call-sig(h)n. Of all the games accomplished with die or dice, Craps is the most colorful in my unlearned opinion.  From it we get Boxcars, Snakeeyes, and such popular prayers as poppa needs some new shoes…)

“The ‘Wimpy*’ Conundrum” Tanka 2091

October 1, 2018)

Pay me Now for work

done tomorrow – familiar?

Sounds like more RoadWork!

 

Of course, it could be ‘Wimpy’

And The Great Hamburger Scam!

 

  • (The ‘Wimpy’ Reference in the similarly named haiku just posted is more fully detailed therein.  But I did discover a discrete liking for the notion the bowler-be-hatted short, fat cartoon who cropped up in Popeye The Sailor Man cartoons of my youth acted in much the same way as an earlier Falstaff might appear in the midst of a William Shakespeare tragedy.  Of course, Olive Oyle’s plight, being tied to a pair of parallel railroad tracks with a train on its way – drat that dastard bully whose name continues to elude, you know the one, a big fat brute *Bruto?* *Brutus?* Begins with a “B” anyway*, with the scruff of full-circle beard above his chin and below his putative nose who always took a dive after our hero had his pipe-turn-can-opener to extract the spinach through selfsame pipe and thus SaveTheDay.  Sweat Pea was the only sane person in the whole show: per usual!)

“The ‘Wimpy*’ Conundrum”

(October 1, 2018)

Pay me Now for work

done tomorrow – familiar?

Sounds like more RoadWork!

 

  • (Wimpy being the cartoonish short fat waddler investing Popeye The Sailorman cartoons like Falstaff in several Billy Shakespeare efforts in a similar vein some centuries before: Give me a hamburger today and I gladly will repay you Thursday, the bowler-hatted Wimpy would announce.)