“If I Were A Plant, I’d Sue!”

Two try to make “Square*”

a Smokers’ Aquarium”

sans plexi-glass cube.


  • (Magnolia Square in downtown Sanford, Florida, a cloosed-off portion of Magnolia Avenue fronting First Street, turned into a brick-paved fountain-centered, planter-ringed gathering place for music, art, food and gatherings.  The two men from the upstairs near-constantly changing business doing something internettishly significant, this time with insurance hawking, crawl out the stairwell’s card-holder-only door and one lights up a cancer stick and the other produces an E-pipe and both pump poison into the air.  All that nicotine-laced water vapor and those carcinogens right under the hanging planters which decoratively dangle from the faux-antique lampposts: what’s a tree hugger and/or liberal to think or do.  Form a Shame Police?  Naw: get crackin’ on sentient decorative plants from your personal laboratory and then introduce them to a like-planted-mind lawyer and sue the feces out of them and the city to force them to build Smokers’ Aquariums – a notion first brought to me by Libertarian reformed lawyer-turned-radio-talker Neal Boortz as he described the glass-enclosed tower into which the so-called addicted may repair to puff away at Atlanta, Georgia’s sprawling jetport.  If these Sanford downtown toilers of internet wares must exit their offices to smoke why must we tolerate their doing so with impunity once unleashed to the outer-world?  Put them into cubes of plexiglass and make them pump quarters (or swipe cards or point phones) to pay to wash their befouled air elsewhere where it annoyeth not the people or plants who so choose to die differently. In the local library entrance alcove is a sign prominently displayed: No Smoking.  Yet there is a butt-can within the bounds and overhead.  And the smokers thereby gathered congregate on the sidewalk before the aforesaid entrance.  Makes sense, right?)

2 thoughts on ““If I Were A Plant, I’d Sue!”

  1. Pingback: Smoke? In Public? I Have An Aquarium For You – Commentary, Outrages, Prose

  2. Just to – cough, cough – clear the air: I have nothing against people who smoke – I used to many eons ago. What I find objectionable comes in two parts. Part one: the government: city, county, regional and state and most assuredly federal making up rules and regulations – and in taxation using the so-called six tax stances to raise money (and not always to pay for the health and societal costs of smoking alone but to augment general revenue coffers, much like Florida’s state lottery was marketed as a means to further enhance public education but what has become an ancillary source of general revenues and “gift” scholarships. Part two: perhaps the most onerous is the refusal by some smokers to cede what they perceive as their rights to belch forth smoke wherever they are and at any time they so choose. Equally, perhaps, offensive is the blue-nosed response to banning smoking in private homes, private conveyances – if there are minor children, infants especially, and others who can not escape easily or at all the effects of smokers exercising their rights. To stop such endangerment, again, governments intervene and we have unnecessary laws, administered and enforced by unnecessary siphons on the government dole, when some less-intrusive efforts well may be employed. We have city rules against the public’s employees smoking – in some cases and places at all! I am ambivalent about such efforts – though the added health costs do concern the frugal and prudent taxpayer. While private employers may mandate such behavior do I want to see such draconian measures enacted by all levels of government? And if successfully employed against smoking – and smokers – do I want to see the next crusade to fashion private behavior – for the public good – begin to line up for its turn at bat? I support the adult motorcycle helmet optional wear laws – but only if the rider sans bucket belch forth the money to prove they have endowed a foolhardy insurance company to give the care necessary – both medically in an emergency setting and continually to care for a vegetable – for the brainless riding un-covered in an urban setting? Hell, no. But riding a scooter is not lighting up a cancer stick, though both bear water for the gathering masses who would protect us from ourselves. Big Brother and Big Sister are reaching a protection too far for me. Buy yourself a $10-million (or whatever the actuaries say) policy to cover the effects of your own smoking – and possibly a few more mega-bucks to cover the so-feared and so-called second- and third-hand effects of your smoking – and light’em if you got’em. Be your own guest at your own funeras.
    Personally, I like being able to smell two snakes foolin’ around with procreative activities just five feet from my front door, wrapping themselves around a decades old camellia bush poking out of a nice thick groundcover. I like the taste and smell of my food, beer, drink and, yes, water. I like smelling my sweat-stained clothes ready for the washer unbefouled by smokers’ perfume.
    But I don’t care a fig if you like to kiss an ashtray. Just don’t expect me sticking my face anywhere near yours.


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