“This Comes From Afar, Is Uncorroborated And Just Too True”

Found floating in the ether this bit of Thank Sanford from celebrity Morton Downey, Junior.

Seems the celeb was tooling North on US Highway(s) 17-92 just outside the skirts of Sanford, Florida, when his rental care puked.  He pulled over and was in the process of blessing out the rental company when a couple of more cars pulled over.  Hmmmm…

Turns out the people in both cars, Downey wrote, wanted to know how they could help.  The film and famous-for-being-famous star ‘splained the sitchyashun and one guy said screw that: my cousin’s got a tow-truck company and he will be right ‘chere and take that thar car where you want it.  Either he or the other guy chimed in “ya hongry?”

Soon Downey Jr., was sitting in downtown Sanford’s Christo’s restaurant – itself a longtimeago transplant from Long Island, his face trying to get outside of one of their burgers, which Downey called the best burger in the best restaurant ever!  He never heard, obviously, of Riverwalk Pizza nor of Hollerbach’s WillowTree Cafe or of  Smiling Bison which fled the comfortable confines of Winter Park to operate out of Snaffurd its veryownself!  But I digress.

Downey said his hosts had no idea of who he was, or what he did.

And why, pray, should that matter: a skinny-ish traveller en route through Southern Sanford falls prey to car trouble and you can do something about both the car and the skinny – so you stop and say: “hey brother, whatchewneed?”

Guess Morton don’t get very much of that where he’s from.  We have our buttwipes, too, though, not to get all braggy on ya!  We ran off Dan – Larry The Cable Guy – Whitney some few years back when he wanted to widen his own paved road to his own boughten house out in the backs of forever in Snaffurd and the stupid ass city said no, thank-you-so-very-little.  So Cable Guy backs up the trailer and takes hisself and his fambily back to realpace in Southern Nebraska.  But I digress.

Guess no one asked Morton Downey Junior how he liked the fact he was but a mile or three from where Trayvon Martin, another newcomer to Sanford, found instant worldwide fame and no fortune except for his grieving momma and poppa for their dope-smokin’ schoolgirl abusin’ son outta South Florida where he got suspened for a time so he came up to Sanford to See The Sights on a dark, cold, rainy night.

Sometimes Sanford Can Surprise.

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